Just some rambling . . .

Today I've decided to re-read my journal. I had originally planned to simply "blog" the lessons learned - extract them from my journal and put them out there in a nutshell. The problem with that is that some of the lessons lacked clarity or meaning without sharing the path that led to a particular lesson learned. On the other hand, the journal contains far too much personal pain to become a public spectral. Editing is necessary. My original idea for this blog was to post the lessons accompanied by photographs I've taken. While I still feel that would be a good idea, some lessons will require censored background as well.

Sifting through the journal will take some time (typed, single space it is over 400 pages and counting). In the meantime, here is a prayer I wrote to my husband while he was inside. He had asked me to send him prayers appropriate to be used in his Catholic Bible study group (I have volumes of prayers in stacks of books). I wanted to give him something more personal to read, not only for him but something that his fellow "insiders" might be able to relate to, separated from their families as they were. I wrote a prayer for all of us - inside and out. It was one that I prayed in my heart every day but had never put to paper before. Bear in mind, this prayer is well-seasoned with Catholic flavor. Take it for what it is worth.

Father of Mercy and Compassion, You alone know the truth concealed inside our hearts. You see our suffering and our sorrow. Our secrets are not hidden from Your view. Hear us who cry out to You now from this place of isolation, sincere in our plea for forgiveness for what we have done and for all that we have failed to do. Forgive us our foolish arrogance when we wandered lost in the wilderness of our existence without You. For You alone are our hope and our salvation. Give us the grace of Your peace during this time of restless penance. Strengthen all who share in our burdens and lift up our hearts with the promise that one day soon we will be reunited again. Grant this in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

May the peace of our Creator be with you always.

Lessons Learned from the Other Side of Prison

When my husband of then 18 years was sentenced to 70 months in a Federal Prison for wire fraud, I could not imagine life alone. After all, I had NEVER been alone - not really. I had always existed as an extension of someone else - a daughter, a wife, a mother - but never with my own identity. The first 48 months of what I laughingly refer to as our sentence (no one goes to prison alone) I floundered on my own, struggling to find myself. Then one spring morning, I picked up an old friend - one that had been abandoned long ago - my journal. I began to write - unceasingly - for hours at a time - lost in my thoughts, feelings and emotional battles. Through that process, God began to teach me. His lessons came in the form of quiet whispers to my soul as I sorted through the mess that we had allowed our lives to become without Him. There are many forms of prison and isolation - those with walls and razor wires, and those invisible prisons we awake to find ourselves in - prisons of our own creation that consume us when we stray too far from God's saving graces.



I am emerging from my prison now, to the other side of life once more. While the journey is not yet complete (the fact that I am still alive is testimony to His unfinished work), I am at last able to turn about, face the past and harvest those lessons I have learned along the way. Those are the lessons I am compelled to share here. The most important lesson is that we are NEVER truly alone - our creator is always nearby, watching, waiting for the invitation to join us on life's journey. Every day I give thanks to God for having blessed me with such a difficult crossing to this new place, for without it my faith would not have grown.